Back to Work

I started back to work two weeks ago. I was really blessed to be offered a position with my office that is only two days a week. I love the office I've been working at for the past couple of years. My boss is a doll, and the other girls I work with make it enjoyable and enriching to spend time at work.
I went back and forth on this decision like just about nothing I've ever had to decide before. I originally went to the owner and asked if they had anything they could offer me for two days a week. I thought that would be the perfect time to income ratio to make it worth me going back. She said they didn't have anything at the moment - which I half expected because this office is full of women getting pregnant and married and having babies and wanting to come back part time. Then I toyed with the idea of going back full time to my original position. I loved the work I was doing there, and we really do need some extra income while we're planning to get a house - but I love being with Cecelia more than I love being at work. It was such a hard thing for me adjust to in my mind. I finally decided to go back to her again and ask for four days a week instead of five - I thought that that would make a good balance between what they needed from me, and what I wanted for my family. I thought one extra day with just Cecelia and I a week would be good for us. She said she'd discuss it with the other girl, and get back to me. I spent that time in between thinking non-stop about it and about what I wanted to do and about what I would do if she said no. It consumed all my energy.
Finally I got the call. They said they had a position available for me after all that would be two days a week. I felt so blessed and so excited. The job also sounded very appealing to me - doing much of my favourite parts of the work I was doing before I left.
This is where I started two weeks ago. I am now at the office Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have a rare blessing that most women don't (that I do not take for granted) - my mother-in-law watches Cecelia for me while I'm at work. If I had to leave her with a stranger, none of the above contemplation would have even happened. Cecelia spending time at her house has been such a blessing to me. I trust Dalene with Cecelia almost more than I trust myself with her. I get to go to work with complete faith and confidence that Cecelia is loved and looked after and cared for as close to as well as I could do it myself (some days better).
I love being a mom. Please don't get me wrong, it is the most rewarding and fulfilling thing I have ever done in my life. And I mean that with all sincerity. The thing that is hard is that it's sometimes tough to see the day to day progress you're making. While she's so young, it's hard to always feel like I'm really being appreciated for my efforts. I've also found that it sometimes gets lonely. Just her and I together most days can be a little bit tough for me - especially if she's having a harder than normal day. Being at the office two days a week has provided me with the perfect outlet. I get the social contact I feel I need; I get to do work that shows me progress, results and success each time; and I get to contribute a little bit financially to our goal of getting a house (which to be honest, I want more than Eric does anyway). It has added structure, routine and schedule to our home and family, and it has given me the extra boost of motivation I've needed lately to make what time I do spend with Cecelia and with Eric (and all together) valuable and productive. It really is what's best for our family right now, and I'm really grateful that I feel completely confident saying that. I am grateful that I feel so settled and happy with this decision that I don't have to feel intimidated by the opinions and criticisms of others. In fact, I'm lucky to have not come across too much of that to deal with, but I do know it's out there. Every situation, every woman and every family is different. I wish these things didn't exist, but they do, and I have more and more respect for other women, and the decisions they make, with each new stage of motherhood I face.