21 Day Fix - Day 5

I have decided to participate in the 21 Day Fix. I have gained weight since slowing down on breast feeding, and I am just not happy with my body the way it is right now.
I visited with my doctor a few weeks ago, before I stopped nursing, and she said that I need to work on getting my body back to being my own before I think about having another baby. She prompted me to remember what being pregnant was really like - it was a challenge. At least in those first three months or so, growing a baby is really really hard work for your body. I started to remember all the nausea, and the days I couldn't make it to work, and the evenings I came home so exhausted I turned it in for the night by 7:00PM. A part of me had forgotten just how bad those things really were - especially since everything after that was a breeze for me. And to imagine doing all that with a toddler running around. No. I needed to change some things first.
So here I am. It started on Pinterest, then with a good chat with some girlfriends, and then Jordena, and then the grocery store. And before I knew it I was getting started on something huge for me. I have never ever in my life stuck with a diet or workout plan - or really much of any personal development plan. That isn't to say I've never started them - boy have I ever started them - I've just never finished them or seen them through to the end. This time I am determined. More than loosing the weight and toning my tummy, I need to promote a healthy lifestyle for myself and my family. This is how I think I will be able to do it.

Things I am hoping to accomplish:
1. I would ultimately love to see myself in at least my postpartum body again.  I understand and am aware that not all things can pop back to the way they were before, and I'm not expecting that. I felt great after having Cecelia and I was so proud of the accomplishments I'd made that I was excited about my body and proud of it. I want to feel that way again, and I definitely wouldn't mind looking like that again.
2. As mentioned, I was to promote healthy habits for myself and my family. I like the outline of the 21 Day Fix, because it really does have you eating mostly things that you already eat or have buried somewhere in the back of your cupboard meaning to try some day.
3. I really need to get in to a regular routine of exercise and physical activity.  Physical activity helps me feel great, it just is so hard to get started for some reason. I am determined to exercise for the 30 minutes a day recommended by this program, and to continue some kind of routine after that.
4. I would like to change my perspective on health from something I should or have to or need to do, to something I just do.

This program has not been easy for me. One of my biggest challenges is actually eating enough food - believe it or not. I often get to 4:00 in the afternoon and think, "Why am I so cranky? Why am I all of a sudden so short with Cecelia? Why is my body slowing down?". More often than not, the answer is that I've had nothing but a protein drink and maybe a bowl of Cheerios for the day.
Two things: First, this diet is actually making me more hungry than not eating at all ever did. As I'm putting more in to my body, I am finding that it needs even more from me. Second is that when I get really hungry I get really nauseous. When I get really nauseous, it gets harder to eat food - especially vegetables of any kind for some reason.
I am really finding it hard to remember and force myself to eat when I'm not used to it, as well as squeezing in all those portions while feeling a little queezy.
To be perfectly honest, I have not felt better since starting the Fix - I have felt worse. My energy levels seem lower, I am hungry more of the time, and I am feeling a little sick. I am really hoping - and honestly believe - that this is my body reacting to trying to kick those old habit it's become so comfortable with. It's almost as if I'm going through mild withdrawal symptoms, and it's awful. Last night it all caught up with me. I got home very hungry and tired. I ate some eggs and toast for dinner, then got Cecelia bathed and in to bed. Then I finally got to my workout at around 9:15 PM - pretty exhausted to start with. It was cardio, which I have never been very strong in. I got through the workout alright, but as soon as I stopped moving the room started spinning and I basically laid down in my workout clothes until my husband came home - about 1.5 hours later. He helped me get into bed and I was excited to fall asleep and sleep it off. Well that didn't go according to plan. I ended up in the bathroom at about 3:30 in the morning with him by my side. He patted my back and said "You don't have to throw up to reach your target". I giggled. Then I did it anyway, to which he said "Wo! There goes pretty much everything you've eating since you started this diet." Thanks babe. I realized that I've been pushing myself too hard, too soon. I want to loose the weight and I want to see results, and so I am trying so so hard to follow the plan as closely as I can. Modifying the plan to fit my needs and my body is not failing at it. In only 4 days I've already learned some really great tips and tricks and habits that I hope I will be able to hold on to, but I am not doing this to train intensely for anything or to get totally toned muscles, I am just trying to get healthy. Pushing myself as hard as I did last night is not healthy.
This is my progress so far, and a few of my feelings and takes on the whole thing. Stay tuned for more. I will be sticking with it! What's 21 days, right?