When Isla was born, in March, our lives as a family became very different. My life became very different. I was grateful and excited to have a brand new baby, but things seemed harder now than ever before - and they were. I did not adjust easily to having two children - and maybe I'm still not even used to it. Suddenly the people needing my attention out numbered me, and that was really hard. It seemed to be even harder than it should have been though, and it seemed to bring me less joy than I had hoped for.
I knew in the back of my mind that I was probably a prime candidate for postpartum depression - I've had depression myself before and it runs through my family history. It took me a long time though to realize and that that could be what was getting me down. It felt different than I expected or imagined. It was a very dark and frustrating time for me, and even to write it down now it is scary to face and admit to the things that went on in my mind and in my actions.
My depression in the past has been a lot of crying and a lot of shutting down and a lot of staying in bed. This time was very different. I was so so angry - all the time. I was angry when my baby woke up during the night. I was angry when my two year old didn't put her shoes on right away. I was angry because my husband couldn't possibly understand what I was feeling. I was angry that he would never have to be pregnant. I was angry with my body and with my mind. I was angry with myself. I was angry with God.
I did and said things as a parent that I hoped I would never ever do. Things that I am ashamed to remember right now. Suddenly any little thing was setting me off. I would be swearing in my head when I came to a yellow light. I was frantic and scattered all the time. This felt like the new me and suddenly I started to feel like I was never meant to be a wife or to have children. I felt like I had gotten myself in over my head and that I had chosen the wrong path for my life. I started to resent ever having the children I have - the beautiful and wonderful little girls who have blessed my life so much. That is when I started to feel like maybe this was not the way it was supposed to be. I hoped with all my energy that it was something that could change.
At my two month vaccination appointments with Isla, the nurse gave me a screening test for postpartum depression. I am grateful that by this point I had realized that I maybe had a problem. I took the time to slowly consider each question and to answer as honestly as possible. When I handed it back to her she was concerned. She asked a few follow up questions and said this needed to be faxed over to my family doctor and that I should follow up with her. It wasn't until about a month later that my girls needed appointments and so I finally made time for myself to go in too and talk to my doctor.
Being a new mom to your 1st, 2nd or 6th child is hard. There is so much to take in and so much to learn each time that it can be quite overwhelming. But when it was hard for me all the time and it was inhibiting me from feeling the joy of motherhood, and especially of a brand new baby, I knew it was a big problem - more than just regular life. I talked to my doctor and she prescribed medication and I have been taking it since then. It is still hard.
The year 2016 was one that brought a lot of hard times for our family. It brought some things that should have felt joyful, but mostly it brought trial. The days felt long, but the year flew by. Looking back on it all, this year feels like a haze to me. A lot of it feels vague and distant - I remember that there was pain and heartache and frustration, but I don't feel it anymore. There are some losses and some pains that I am still grieving, but as the fog of this year is starting to lift I am grateful for what I have come out of it with.
Isla, I am grateful that you have grown so strong and so tender in your first year of life. I am sorry that there are no monthly pictures documented of you and I am sorry that I don't remember exactly when you got your first tooth, or which day you first crawled. I am so grateful to you for your patience and your sweetness. I am grateful for what you let me learn and the ways you taught me to grow this year. Thank you baby girl. This year has meant more to me than you might ever know. And thank you to my other two and to so many others who I love so much, for their patience and love and support. I am ready for 2017.
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Mar 11, 2016
1 Week Old
I cannot believe it's been one week already since Isla joined us here on Earth. It has really been a roller coster ride of a week though. I have been very emotional lately, and if you strip the experience of those feelings it really seems unsurmountable, but the love I feel for this baby and for the one I already have carries me through the challenges we've faced each day. My adoration for these two little girls has carried me through this week.
Our main struggle with Isla has been breast feeding. She eats like a champ, but we've been through every just about type of pain and cause of pain and discomfort there is. Thank goodness for my midwives and each of their expertise. I've had three of them come by at different times, each offering a different tiny tip that has moved us along one step further. The last puzzle piece was a referral from them to a breast feeding clinic, and it all seems to be coming along. Another visit or two to the clinic, and we should be in good shape - which is something I never got to say in all the 14 or 15 months with Cecelia. Getting this sorted out in the beginning this time will smooth out a lot of wrinkles and frustrations I had the first time around. I look forward to that. One week down, and I am already enjoying looking down at my little nursing babe, and not still cringing and crying each time she latches.
The second major challenge I am facing is a two year old becoming...well, two! She is trying my patience, my tolerance and my mood at every single turn. She has not been a typical "terrible twos" kind of girl to this point. She has always had a very calm demeanor, has listened very well, and a desire to obey. You may be thinking "well then you're finally getting what the rest of us parents are dealing with", but it's been very hard on me. I'm not saying that other parents don't, but I have worked very very hard to have a toddler who acted and behaved that way. I have worked very hard for two long years to develop a relationship of mutual respect and admiration with my daughter. It is something that is very important to me and it is one thing that I value more than almost anything else in the world. Cecelia and I really are best friends - and now she thinks we were best friends. Everything seems to be coming unravelled and I am loosing it all bit by bit. At the same time, I am trying to start to build the same thing up with Isla - it all started from day one. Balancing the physical demands of two kinds is hard enough, I never imagined the challenge I would have balancing the emotional needs of each girl (and myself). I do see it getting better though. As my hormones start to balance out, our sleep schedules start to regulate, and Cecelia's love for Isla grows, things will start to get better - with some hellish nightmare days in between, I'm sure.
The main feeling of the week though is love. I cannot believe how blessed I am to call this new piece of Heaven mine. She is a joy and I am grateful.
Our main struggle with Isla has been breast feeding. She eats like a champ, but we've been through every just about type of pain and cause of pain and discomfort there is. Thank goodness for my midwives and each of their expertise. I've had three of them come by at different times, each offering a different tiny tip that has moved us along one step further. The last puzzle piece was a referral from them to a breast feeding clinic, and it all seems to be coming along. Another visit or two to the clinic, and we should be in good shape - which is something I never got to say in all the 14 or 15 months with Cecelia. Getting this sorted out in the beginning this time will smooth out a lot of wrinkles and frustrations I had the first time around. I look forward to that. One week down, and I am already enjoying looking down at my little nursing babe, and not still cringing and crying each time she latches.
The second major challenge I am facing is a two year old becoming...well, two! She is trying my patience, my tolerance and my mood at every single turn. She has not been a typical "terrible twos" kind of girl to this point. She has always had a very calm demeanor, has listened very well, and a desire to obey. You may be thinking "well then you're finally getting what the rest of us parents are dealing with", but it's been very hard on me. I'm not saying that other parents don't, but I have worked very very hard to have a toddler who acted and behaved that way. I have worked very hard for two long years to develop a relationship of mutual respect and admiration with my daughter. It is something that is very important to me and it is one thing that I value more than almost anything else in the world. Cecelia and I really are best friends - and now she thinks we were best friends. Everything seems to be coming unravelled and I am loosing it all bit by bit. At the same time, I am trying to start to build the same thing up with Isla - it all started from day one. Balancing the physical demands of two kinds is hard enough, I never imagined the challenge I would have balancing the emotional needs of each girl (and myself). I do see it getting better though. As my hormones start to balance out, our sleep schedules start to regulate, and Cecelia's love for Isla grows, things will start to get better - with some hellish nightmare days in between, I'm sure.
The main feeling of the week though is love. I cannot believe how blessed I am to call this new piece of Heaven mine. She is a joy and I am grateful.
Feb 8, 2015
I have been a mother for a year
To be honest, I can believe that Cecelia is a year old. People have been asking me all week "can you believe Cecelia is one?" and I really can. What I can't believe is that I've been a mother for a year. I know that sounds crazy - let me back up.
I have watched Cecelia grow from nothing. For longer than a year now I have watched her grow from a microscopic seed, into a little girl. She has changed so much in the last year, and gone through so many adventures. Some of her highlights this year were learning to eat, to sleep, to open her eyes, to smile, to giggle, to sit up, to roll over, to eat solid foods, to communicate with sign language, to reach for people and to prefer certain people and things, to make connections, to crawl, to pull herself up, to tease and to play. In so many ways I can't believe she's only one. The first year of a child's life is an incredible journey, and they do it so naturally.
What I can't believe is that it's already been a year since I laid in that hospital bed and Eric and I fell so in love with that little girl. There is no feeling in the world like it, and I'm not even sure we will experience it the same way ever again. I know we will love all of our children the same - but do we now know what to expect? Becoming a parent for the first time has got to be an experience unlike any other, and it has given me a whole new perspective on life, on my own parents, and on my Heavenly Parents. I can't believe it's already been a year of that.
I have enjoyed being a mother, maybe more than anything else that I've ever done before. I fell into the roll immediately (although never perfectly) and have never looked back. One thing I love so much about motherhood is it's ability to shape and change all other aspects of my life - for the better - without me even noticing. I was worried about balancing life as a mother, and as all of the other things that I've enjoyed being in my life prior to. I now realise that the lessons learned and sacrifices made as a mother have changed me and helped me to become a better wife, a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend, a better teacher, and a better learner. It has taught me to give, to share, to love, to serve, to beg, to pray, to feel, to care and to endure in ways that nothing else ever could. I can't believe it's only been a year of that.
And so Cecelia Kate, on your first birthday I want you to know more than anything else how much I have enjoyed being your mother. I want you to know how much I have loved to serve and teach you all these days, and how I look forward to our years ahead. I want you to know that all that I am and I do and I give is because of my love for you. You will not understand that love until you get to experience it for yourself, but I hope that you have felt it each day this year, and will for each day of the rest of your life.
I have watched Cecelia grow from nothing. For longer than a year now I have watched her grow from a microscopic seed, into a little girl. She has changed so much in the last year, and gone through so many adventures. Some of her highlights this year were learning to eat, to sleep, to open her eyes, to smile, to giggle, to sit up, to roll over, to eat solid foods, to communicate with sign language, to reach for people and to prefer certain people and things, to make connections, to crawl, to pull herself up, to tease and to play. In so many ways I can't believe she's only one. The first year of a child's life is an incredible journey, and they do it so naturally.
What I can't believe is that it's already been a year since I laid in that hospital bed and Eric and I fell so in love with that little girl. There is no feeling in the world like it, and I'm not even sure we will experience it the same way ever again. I know we will love all of our children the same - but do we now know what to expect? Becoming a parent for the first time has got to be an experience unlike any other, and it has given me a whole new perspective on life, on my own parents, and on my Heavenly Parents. I can't believe it's already been a year of that.
I have enjoyed being a mother, maybe more than anything else that I've ever done before. I fell into the roll immediately (although never perfectly) and have never looked back. One thing I love so much about motherhood is it's ability to shape and change all other aspects of my life - for the better - without me even noticing. I was worried about balancing life as a mother, and as all of the other things that I've enjoyed being in my life prior to. I now realise that the lessons learned and sacrifices made as a mother have changed me and helped me to become a better wife, a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend, a better teacher, and a better learner. It has taught me to give, to share, to love, to serve, to beg, to pray, to feel, to care and to endure in ways that nothing else ever could. I can't believe it's only been a year of that.
And so Cecelia Kate, on your first birthday I want you to know more than anything else how much I have enjoyed being your mother. I want you to know how much I have loved to serve and teach you all these days, and how I look forward to our years ahead. I want you to know that all that I am and I do and I give is because of my love for you. You will not understand that love until you get to experience it for yourself, but I hope that you have felt it each day this year, and will for each day of the rest of your life.
The song I sing to Cecelia each night before bed:
You are my honeybunch, sugar plum, pumpie umpy umpkin
You're my sweetie pie.
You're my cupy cake, gumdrop snookums snookums
You're the apple of my eye.
And I love you so, and I want you to know
That I'll always be right here,
And I love to sing sweet songs to you,
because you are so dear.
Sep 22, 2014
Laura and Her Little Lady
Laura is a really good friend of mine - a friendship that has really blossomed over the last year and a bit. We knew each other in Halifax and started our friendship there. When she got married and moved to Calgary we had more opportunity to spend time together, and since then I think we've really come to respect and treasure each other's opinions and enjoy sharing them together. I love that in a friend.
One week after Cecelia was born Laura came to visit us and to meet her. She handed me her cell phone and said look at this picture - it was a picture of her and Jeremy holding an ultrasound photo! I was so excited. With the experience of pregnancy and birth and a new babe so fresh in my life I was so overjoyed at the chance to watch a friend to share in those joys. We soon found out that she was also expecting a baby girl (I guess rubbing Cecelia on her belly each time we visited worked). I couldn't have been more excited for her - or so I thought. My excitement has only grown since then. Her's is the most anticipated birth (aside from my own) of the year!
Well, the time has nearly come. She is due now on Wednesday, and we're hoping this little girl makes her appearance any day now. On Friday we took a few minutes to celebrated her last few days of being pregnant, before she moves into the new phase to come. I have to admit, I sometimes miss it. There is no feeling in the world like being pregnant, and no miracle like that of childbirth. As women we are so blessed to carry this responsibility and opportunity. I wish her all the luck and joy that day will soon bring.
One week after Cecelia was born Laura came to visit us and to meet her. She handed me her cell phone and said look at this picture - it was a picture of her and Jeremy holding an ultrasound photo! I was so excited. With the experience of pregnancy and birth and a new babe so fresh in my life I was so overjoyed at the chance to watch a friend to share in those joys. We soon found out that she was also expecting a baby girl (I guess rubbing Cecelia on her belly each time we visited worked). I couldn't have been more excited for her - or so I thought. My excitement has only grown since then. Her's is the most anticipated birth (aside from my own) of the year!
Well, the time has nearly come. She is due now on Wednesday, and we're hoping this little girl makes her appearance any day now. On Friday we took a few minutes to celebrated her last few days of being pregnant, before she moves into the new phase to come. I have to admit, I sometimes miss it. There is no feeling in the world like being pregnant, and no miracle like that of childbirth. As women we are so blessed to carry this responsibility and opportunity. I wish her all the luck and joy that day will soon bring.
Sep 19, 2014
Keeping Busy
This week Cecelia and I started a couple of classes together to help keep us busy and doing fun things with other moms and babies.
Laura (from my prenatal group) told me about a class on Monday mornings - Mom and Baby Tabata. I Googled tabata and it made me really really nervous, but I decided to go for it. Having the motivation of another mom holding me accountable, and a class that I've registered and paid for will help to get me out and doing something that's good for my body. Monday's class was a lot of fun. The babies are in the class with us and just sit on their own mats and hang out while the moms work our butts off. Cecelia even practiced her new trick of clapping for mom while I was sweaty and red and out of breath. She did great the whole time too - just sat there and smiled and played.
On Tuesday and Thursday mornings we have swimming lessons. These I am taking with Robin, who I worked with before we both left on mat leave. Her little guy is a month or so older than Cecelia. She's already taken these classes once before, and enjoyed them enough to join us for round two. They're not as much swimming "lessons" as they are "play time in the pool" - complete with songs that stay stuck in our heads all week long. But Cecelia loves the water, and so we've been having a good time. The class happens to be right over the beginning of her nap time, but she likes the water enough to stay happy for most of the class and fall asleep on the way home. It wears her out enough to take a good nap.
I really enjoyed this week - having places to be, things to do, and people to see. I love staying busy, and I think it will be especially important throughout the winter. Now I just need to motivate myself to workout at home on Wednesdays and/or Fridays while Cecelia naps. I really feel like I can do it now, and that I'll enjoy it. Staying fit and active really is so important, and I really do enjoy it once I get going. That's the hard part though - to start moving.
Laura (from my prenatal group) told me about a class on Monday mornings - Mom and Baby Tabata. I Googled tabata and it made me really really nervous, but I decided to go for it. Having the motivation of another mom holding me accountable, and a class that I've registered and paid for will help to get me out and doing something that's good for my body. Monday's class was a lot of fun. The babies are in the class with us and just sit on their own mats and hang out while the moms work our butts off. Cecelia even practiced her new trick of clapping for mom while I was sweaty and red and out of breath. She did great the whole time too - just sat there and smiled and played.
On Tuesday and Thursday mornings we have swimming lessons. These I am taking with Robin, who I worked with before we both left on mat leave. Her little guy is a month or so older than Cecelia. She's already taken these classes once before, and enjoyed them enough to join us for round two. They're not as much swimming "lessons" as they are "play time in the pool" - complete with songs that stay stuck in our heads all week long. But Cecelia loves the water, and so we've been having a good time. The class happens to be right over the beginning of her nap time, but she likes the water enough to stay happy for most of the class and fall asleep on the way home. It wears her out enough to take a good nap.
I really enjoyed this week - having places to be, things to do, and people to see. I love staying busy, and I think it will be especially important throughout the winter. Now I just need to motivate myself to workout at home on Wednesdays and/or Fridays while Cecelia naps. I really feel like I can do it now, and that I'll enjoy it. Staying fit and active really is so important, and I really do enjoy it once I get going. That's the hard part though - to start moving.
Aug 12, 2014
Some Days - Aselin Debison
Some days I feel sad and lonely
some days I feel fine…
Some days the clock just ticks too slowly
and I wish away my time.
I wish away my time
when you come to me
I realize how wonderful my life can be.
With you… You and me.
Some days bounce like a basketball
some days make me blue.
Some days I stare out through my window
and wonder what the world will do.
I wonder what the world will do…
And when I wake at night
the darkness closes in.
My heart takes fright.
You remind me that I’m alright.
Some days I think I just fell from the sky.
Some days I have to ask the question “why?”
But everyday I try…
Some days I am virtuous,
but some days I’m just bad.
Some days I just can’t get enough
of the sweetest things I ever had.
The sweetest things I ever had.
But when you telephone,
I realize that I am never really all alone
And dream that I am home, I am home,
I am home…
Listening to this song today I suddenly realised that it basically sums up my day to day feelings as a mother. It was sung by a girl who was like 13 from Cape Breton, Nova Scotia so I don't think that that's exactly what it's about. It fits for me though and now I have a new appreciation for it.
some days I feel fine…
Some days the clock just ticks too slowly
and I wish away my time.
I wish away my time
when you come to me
I realize how wonderful my life can be.
With you… You and me.
Some days bounce like a basketball
some days make me blue.
Some days I stare out through my window
and wonder what the world will do.
I wonder what the world will do…
And when I wake at night
the darkness closes in.
My heart takes fright.
You remind me that I’m alright.
Some days I think I just fell from the sky.
Some days I have to ask the question “why?”
But everyday I try…
Some days I am virtuous,
but some days I’m just bad.
Some days I just can’t get enough
of the sweetest things I ever had.
The sweetest things I ever had.
But when you telephone,
I realize that I am never really all alone
And dream that I am home, I am home,
I am home…
Listening to this song today I suddenly realised that it basically sums up my day to day feelings as a mother. It was sung by a girl who was like 13 from Cape Breton, Nova Scotia so I don't think that that's exactly what it's about. It fits for me though and now I have a new appreciation for it.
Aug 6, 2014
Sleep Training is Saving Me (Us)
Oh man, there is so much to read and learn and know about sleep training. I hadn't even thought about it for the longest time, and now it has become a very dominating force in my life.
Another problem with having had a baby with such good sleep habits, is that I just went along with it. I didn't want to disturb the peace, and I was happy with what she was doing. Now she thinks she's been calling the shots all this time, and that she gets to continue calling the shots - even when her new routine is driving mom crazy.
In speaking with a couple of moms at church a couple of weeks ago, I cam to know of a book called The Baby Sleep Solution. Now, I am not in anyway trying to recommend or promote this program over others, but the women I spoke with had tried it and like it - one with a baby older than mine and one younger. It's a quick easy read, and it just seems to make sense to me as I go through it. I agree with things she says, and I enjoy being able to feel validated in my feelings as I go through different points she addresses. Two things I really like that she says in the beginning of the book:
1. If you let a baby cry past 5 minutes, she's too exhausted and overwhelmed and worked up to be learning anything. She's not making connections anymore to "if I cry for long enough, my mom will come and get me" or "crying = snuggle time". She's too far gone for any of that.
2. Babies, and kids, need to be taught about rules and structure - especially as it pertains to basic human needs like food and sleep. They need to be taught what to do and how to do it. If you do not do some kind of sleep training (I use that term loosely because it can mean all kinds of different things, and take all kinds of different forms), you are leaving the responsibility to learn these things up to your infant. That's not fair to her or to you.
So, while I am not promoting any program in particular, or any person, I am saying to all you moms to be out there that I wish I'd thought about and learned about sleep training sooner than I have. Take some time (while you have the time) to choose (or even create) a program that works for you and your family. She also talks about how the baby should adjust to life in the family that already exists, the whole family does not need to change to adjust to baby (after the first few weeks, of course). I don't care what it is you decide to do, or who you decide to trust, but find something that you think will work for you, and prepare yourself to put it in place at a time earlier than I did.
Okay, now that I've said my piece about that, this is how we've been doing with our's:
I started to read the book over our holidays, and then decided to start the program when we got back from vacation. The first step in the process is to get baby eating at the right times, and the right amounts, during the day. This author figures baby needs about 24 ounces of breast milk in a 24 hour period. She suggests feeding every 4 hours, in a 12 hour period, on the hour. You can choose any twelve hours that work for you during the 24 - we've chosen 8AM-8PM. On Monday she was a perfect dream baby. She woke up and ate at 8AM, she was ready again at Noon, again at 4PM, ate at 8PM and went to bed. She even got the naps down (which is not until step 4 of the program). She napped for 1 hour between the first two feedings, and 2 hours between the 2nd and 3rd. The night however, was another story. She was up twice, and the up for good at 6:30 in the morning. Being up so early threw Tuesday off completely. We tried our best to stick to the schedule again, and for the most part it seemed to work for feeding - napping was all over the place, but that's okay. One step at a time is important. We only fed her cereal once yesterday, and she slept so much better overnight. I don't know why this is the case, but it seems to be a trend. Each time we skip a meal of cereal, she does better at night. So we've reduced it for now to only breakfast time cereal - which I think is fine because she's not even quite 6 months yet so she certainly doesn't need more than that.
Anyway, so we're trying our best. We're working right now on just making sure she eats at 8AM, Noon, 4PM and 8PM and goes to bed consistently right after the 8PM feed. I think a consistent bed time is so important for little kids, and am learning now how important it is for me too.
I am loving Cecelia in bed at 8PM these days (this has been going on for a couple weeks now). It gives me a bit of time alone before Eric gets home, it give Eric and I time alone before bed, and we are rarely in bed past 11PM because there is just no need to be. It's been really nice for us - together and individually.
So here's the thing that I have learned and loved about starting this program - the reason I would suggest it (or again, something similar to it) to anyone: I am gaining perspective. I am learning that this is not a struggle that needs to last forever; I am developing patience. I am learning to endure, and to enjoy the ride. My time while she naps during the day is my own, and she is learning and growing through this process as well. I have been blessed these last few days with an added measure of patience, and I don't know where it comes from. I have only one guess, and that is prayer. Eric prays for me always, I pray for me when I have the faith to, and when I phoned home on the weekend crying to my parents they said the only thing they were really able to from all the way over there: "we will pray for you". In the moment, I am sorry to say, I thought "Thanks a bunch guys, that's really helpful. Not!" I phoned home expecting all the answers from my seasoned parents, and all I got was - yupp it's hard, sorry about that, we'll pray for you. Well, it turns out that I needed that more than anything. With their prayers, and others' prayers, and our own prayers, I am learning to be faithful, learning to endure and learning to be patient. Most importantly I am learning that I am doing a fine job - Cecelia has a good mom who loves her more than anything and wants what's best for her. There's nothing that can replace that. I am doing well, and I can rest knowing that my best is all that can be expecting, and all that she requires. I cannot even explain the weight that has been lifted from my shoulders in a matter of only two days. It's a tiny miracle, and one that I am so so grateful for.
Another problem with having had a baby with such good sleep habits, is that I just went along with it. I didn't want to disturb the peace, and I was happy with what she was doing. Now she thinks she's been calling the shots all this time, and that she gets to continue calling the shots - even when her new routine is driving mom crazy.
In speaking with a couple of moms at church a couple of weeks ago, I cam to know of a book called The Baby Sleep Solution. Now, I am not in anyway trying to recommend or promote this program over others, but the women I spoke with had tried it and like it - one with a baby older than mine and one younger. It's a quick easy read, and it just seems to make sense to me as I go through it. I agree with things she says, and I enjoy being able to feel validated in my feelings as I go through different points she addresses. Two things I really like that she says in the beginning of the book:
1. If you let a baby cry past 5 minutes, she's too exhausted and overwhelmed and worked up to be learning anything. She's not making connections anymore to "if I cry for long enough, my mom will come and get me" or "crying = snuggle time". She's too far gone for any of that.
2. Babies, and kids, need to be taught about rules and structure - especially as it pertains to basic human needs like food and sleep. They need to be taught what to do and how to do it. If you do not do some kind of sleep training (I use that term loosely because it can mean all kinds of different things, and take all kinds of different forms), you are leaving the responsibility to learn these things up to your infant. That's not fair to her or to you.
So, while I am not promoting any program in particular, or any person, I am saying to all you moms to be out there that I wish I'd thought about and learned about sleep training sooner than I have. Take some time (while you have the time) to choose (or even create) a program that works for you and your family. She also talks about how the baby should adjust to life in the family that already exists, the whole family does not need to change to adjust to baby (after the first few weeks, of course). I don't care what it is you decide to do, or who you decide to trust, but find something that you think will work for you, and prepare yourself to put it in place at a time earlier than I did.
Okay, now that I've said my piece about that, this is how we've been doing with our's:
I started to read the book over our holidays, and then decided to start the program when we got back from vacation. The first step in the process is to get baby eating at the right times, and the right amounts, during the day. This author figures baby needs about 24 ounces of breast milk in a 24 hour period. She suggests feeding every 4 hours, in a 12 hour period, on the hour. You can choose any twelve hours that work for you during the 24 - we've chosen 8AM-8PM. On Monday she was a perfect dream baby. She woke up and ate at 8AM, she was ready again at Noon, again at 4PM, ate at 8PM and went to bed. She even got the naps down (which is not until step 4 of the program). She napped for 1 hour between the first two feedings, and 2 hours between the 2nd and 3rd. The night however, was another story. She was up twice, and the up for good at 6:30 in the morning. Being up so early threw Tuesday off completely. We tried our best to stick to the schedule again, and for the most part it seemed to work for feeding - napping was all over the place, but that's okay. One step at a time is important. We only fed her cereal once yesterday, and she slept so much better overnight. I don't know why this is the case, but it seems to be a trend. Each time we skip a meal of cereal, she does better at night. So we've reduced it for now to only breakfast time cereal - which I think is fine because she's not even quite 6 months yet so she certainly doesn't need more than that.
Anyway, so we're trying our best. We're working right now on just making sure she eats at 8AM, Noon, 4PM and 8PM and goes to bed consistently right after the 8PM feed. I think a consistent bed time is so important for little kids, and am learning now how important it is for me too.
I am loving Cecelia in bed at 8PM these days (this has been going on for a couple weeks now). It gives me a bit of time alone before Eric gets home, it give Eric and I time alone before bed, and we are rarely in bed past 11PM because there is just no need to be. It's been really nice for us - together and individually.
So here's the thing that I have learned and loved about starting this program - the reason I would suggest it (or again, something similar to it) to anyone: I am gaining perspective. I am learning that this is not a struggle that needs to last forever; I am developing patience. I am learning to endure, and to enjoy the ride. My time while she naps during the day is my own, and she is learning and growing through this process as well. I have been blessed these last few days with an added measure of patience, and I don't know where it comes from. I have only one guess, and that is prayer. Eric prays for me always, I pray for me when I have the faith to, and when I phoned home on the weekend crying to my parents they said the only thing they were really able to from all the way over there: "we will pray for you". In the moment, I am sorry to say, I thought "Thanks a bunch guys, that's really helpful. Not!" I phoned home expecting all the answers from my seasoned parents, and all I got was - yupp it's hard, sorry about that, we'll pray for you. Well, it turns out that I needed that more than anything. With their prayers, and others' prayers, and our own prayers, I am learning to be faithful, learning to endure and learning to be patient. Most importantly I am learning that I am doing a fine job - Cecelia has a good mom who loves her more than anything and wants what's best for her. There's nothing that can replace that. I am doing well, and I can rest knowing that my best is all that can be expecting, and all that she requires. I cannot even explain the weight that has been lifted from my shoulders in a matter of only two days. It's a tiny miracle, and one that I am so so grateful for.
Aug 3, 2014
Jul 24, 2014
Cecelia's having a hard time
The last couple of days have been amongst the hardest I've seen as a mother. Cecelia has been restless and fussy and sad and I can't figure out for the life of me what is causing it. She's not sleeping regularly at night (or for naps) and she's upset all day.
I have really been struggling with her lately, and I am running out of ideas and ways to keep myself sane. The curse of always having had such a wonderful baby, is that I don't really know how to be a mother to a normal baby. I feel so overwhelmed and stressed with the task at hand, and it is scaring me, the mom I seem like I'm becoming. My house is going untouched, because Cecelia needs my every moment of attention, and this is causing me even more stress and frustration.
I just don't know how to describe the feeling that has come over me. Maybe it's impossible to understand until you've been a mother, I don't know. I feel angry and then guilty, frustrated and then sad. All she has to do is smile again and I can very nearly forget all the bad. But then all she needs to do is spend an afternoon crying and it seems impossible to remember all the good.
This afternoon was particularly hard. I had plans for the day and Cecelia was not going to let me carry them out. She screamed while I was leaving the grocery store and at the bank machine, then she fell asleep on the way home. I thought I was getting some relief, but she woke as soon as we got in the door and was up and fussy and squirmy for nearly an hour. Finally I didn't know what else to do and so I called my husband. Sometimes I find it even harder once I get on the phone with him. No one seems to understand the feelings I'm feeling and I don't seem to ever be able to hear that one piece of advice that will keep me sane and get me through.
Today I had to do what I think every mother dreads doing. I had to leave her to cry. I was so nearly mad, I had to leave her by herself for a few moments and catch my breath. I used those few moments to do a speed cleaning of my house, and was really impressed with all I was able to accomplish. I was feeling good until I got back to her and heard her screaming and coughing and choking on her tears. How can they have such a hold on us? And how do you ever learn to get past it? I cried myself for a few moments and then I went in and I picked her up. She instantly stopped crying and snuggled in to me, as if I had saved her from a beast. It's almost as if she had no idea that I was the beast in the first place. How do you get past that heart wrenching feel of having abandoned your baby? It was only ten minutes and she was fine at the end of it, but how do I convince my heart of that, even when my brain knows it's true?
All of these things I never ever thought I'd have to deal with as a mother. All of these things that I thought would never plague me, that would never get to me, and would never bother me. I am bothered by them all, and not sure what to do about it.
I am not asking these questions rhetorically to the internet, if anyone has any actual ideas, I would so much appreciate some advice and some guidance. I just don't know where to go from here, and I'm worried about what's coming next.
I have really been struggling with her lately, and I am running out of ideas and ways to keep myself sane. The curse of always having had such a wonderful baby, is that I don't really know how to be a mother to a normal baby. I feel so overwhelmed and stressed with the task at hand, and it is scaring me, the mom I seem like I'm becoming. My house is going untouched, because Cecelia needs my every moment of attention, and this is causing me even more stress and frustration.
I just don't know how to describe the feeling that has come over me. Maybe it's impossible to understand until you've been a mother, I don't know. I feel angry and then guilty, frustrated and then sad. All she has to do is smile again and I can very nearly forget all the bad. But then all she needs to do is spend an afternoon crying and it seems impossible to remember all the good.
This afternoon was particularly hard. I had plans for the day and Cecelia was not going to let me carry them out. She screamed while I was leaving the grocery store and at the bank machine, then she fell asleep on the way home. I thought I was getting some relief, but she woke as soon as we got in the door and was up and fussy and squirmy for nearly an hour. Finally I didn't know what else to do and so I called my husband. Sometimes I find it even harder once I get on the phone with him. No one seems to understand the feelings I'm feeling and I don't seem to ever be able to hear that one piece of advice that will keep me sane and get me through.
Today I had to do what I think every mother dreads doing. I had to leave her to cry. I was so nearly mad, I had to leave her by herself for a few moments and catch my breath. I used those few moments to do a speed cleaning of my house, and was really impressed with all I was able to accomplish. I was feeling good until I got back to her and heard her screaming and coughing and choking on her tears. How can they have such a hold on us? And how do you ever learn to get past it? I cried myself for a few moments and then I went in and I picked her up. She instantly stopped crying and snuggled in to me, as if I had saved her from a beast. It's almost as if she had no idea that I was the beast in the first place. How do you get past that heart wrenching feel of having abandoned your baby? It was only ten minutes and she was fine at the end of it, but how do I convince my heart of that, even when my brain knows it's true?
I am not asking these questions rhetorically to the internet, if anyone has any actual ideas, I would so much appreciate some advice and some guidance. I just don't know where to go from here, and I'm worried about what's coming next.
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