Week Without Eric

Once upon a time Eric started a real job, and had to go to Vancouver for training. We had one of those rough weeks before he left, and when he did I felt really angry. We were deep in one of our times when we don't speak to each other for so long, that even a hello, I love you, or goodnight feels awkward. When I dropped him at the airport it was an instant why does nothing work when he's here, but then I miss him as soon as he's gone kind of feeling, and I did not enjoy it. I think it was the first real time I could blame pregnancy hormones for an outburst.

We did have a good (quick) talk before he got out of the car. We feel like we have so many things to work on that in the middle of one of these weeks it becomes very difficult to remember what they all are. It becomes very easy to get discouraged and to feel like all is hopeless for us. Eric suggested we each take this week apart to decide what we need from each other that we may or may not be getting, and what we actually need to do to get things fixed.
That night on the way home from the airport I stopped at Laura's house with Michelle and we had a great long talk and enjoyed some treats until it was late enough to go home. It was really nice to spend some time with these girls, but it felt weird to come home to from hanging out with my girls to a home by myself. It was like I was living the single life again, and I didn't love it. 
Monday: I spent some time when I got home working on getting the house cleaned up. I was going to meet with a friend, but she had a hectic day, and was ready for bed by dinner, the poor thing. So I stayed home and continued to clean. I ended up going through a shoe box of old photos and it was a lot of fun.

 Tuesday: I had Laura and Michelle over to my house. Again, love these girls. We even Skyped with another friend from back home, and it was really nice to all catch up together again. I've been spending more time with them again, and I realised I miss and need them. Girl friends are so important. I love Eric more than anything, but to for him to be my only friend is not super good for our marriage. I realised that one thing that might help us is to each develop and enjoy a hobby that is separate from the other. That way we have constructive time to spend apart from each other, and something to talk about and support each other in when we're together.

Wednesday: I went to young women's, as usual. When I got home Eric and I had a good conversation that we needed to have, but it made me tired and a little frustrated.  When I got off the phone I laid on the couch for a few minutes, really upset and angry, and then I felt something weird. It felt just like everyone told me it would - like a gas bubble that just kept going and going. I felt our baby move, and it was so strange. It made me miss Eric a lot in that moment though, and I couldn't wait for him to come home, even after all the crap that bothered us for the first half of the week and the week before. I told Eric, and it was something the two of us could enjoy together. It brought us close together when we were a province apart, and emotionally even further than that.
Thursday: Another evening spent cleaning (scrubbing) my house. I was supposed to spend the evening with an old friend I haven't seen in months, but things just didn't work out that way. I really wanted the house to be clean and ready for Eric though, so that's what I focused on. I missed him a lot, but enjoyed being the woman of our home, and keeping it held together while he was gone. I felt a lot more grown up since the last time we spent this much time apart - I was sleeping in my parents' basement and  calling him crying about my crazy family. Now what I wouldn't have given to spend some of this week with them. I wish they loved closer (just not in the same house together ever again).
Just as I was wrapping up my cleaning frenzy and feeling like I was ready for him to come home to me, he let me know that his flight was accidentally booked for Saturday, and not Friday. My heart was crushed for a minute, and then I had to giggle a little bit at the whole situation. It was kind of silly. But I still wanted him home, and he wanted to be home. He did not have a great week in Vancouver, and I know he was really stressed with his school assignment and everything else. Sometimes it just helps to be at home and sleeping in your own bed and eating your own food when things like that are happening. So he called Air Canada and got it switched, and is still coming home to me on the day I expected.
Friday: It was really nice to see Eric again, and I could feel the difference in both of us this time at the airport, from the last time. Every single one of our issues is still there, but some time apart gave me (at least) some perspective. These things can be handled and can be managed. We're okay, and we're going to be great if we keep working hard.
Tonight Eric spent most of the time getting his assignment done just in time to submit. Then we just went to bed and snuggled for a little bit and fell asleep. It is good to have him back with me, and encouraging to be able to put the last week or two behind us and move forward.
Tomorrow is conference weekend, so that will be a great way to take the things we've spent a week thinking about, and put them in perspective.