Soother

Nearly a month ago I gave Cecelia a soother for the first time. I have been thinking about introducing one, but scared of it interfering with breast feeding. We still don't have that quite down pat, and so I was worried about adding anything else to the mix.
Cecelia is such an amazingly well behaved baby. She almost never cries and she rarely ever fusses. Lately in the evenings she has started to get a little fussy while we're nursing. She'll make noises and mouth movements like she's hungry, but then will refuse my breast. My midwife told me this week that the sucking motion helps babies to produce oxytocin which soothes them and helps their bodies relax. I never realised this before, and after hearing it I felt a little better about the idea of giving Cecelia the soother. It's not just a plug to stick in her mouth to keep her quiet, it really is soothing to her as well. So I tried it, I gave her a soother, and then all hell broke loose. Suddenly in a matter of hours she was a baby who needed her soother. When it fell out of her mouth she needed it back immediately. Even in the car she was upset, which she has never been before. I was devastated. All evening I worried and cried and was upset (and hormonal) about my decision - did I do this too early? should I have waited for nursing to get better? was she a kid who would have never needed a soother if I hadn't been so hasty with my decision to offer her one?
One of the hardest parts about being a mother is trying to make these little - insignificant in the grand scheme of things - decisions for my baby. I've often found myself exhausted and worried and guilt ridden over things that, by the next day, seem meaningless and trivial. This took a little longer than most, but within a couple of days became one of those situations. She loves the soother, and you know what she can love it all she wants. Will it someday be hard to take away from her? Maybe. But is that any reason not to let her enjoy it while she's small enough for it to be reasonable - of course not!
As is character for Cecelia (sorry to brag), she has taken the soother perfectly. She does drop it a lot and needs help to put it back in, but we have managed to avoid most of what I was afraid of. She still nurses as well as she did before, she does not take it to bed with her, and when she's hungry or needs something specific she refuses it and lets me know.
Once again, I had nothing really to worry about. I can't tell you how many times this has happened, but in the moment there is nothing that feels more real than the "this is completely and utterly the end of the world" perception that comes with these big parenting decisions and the thought that maybe you made the wrong one.

Of all the silly things I worry about as a mother, perhaps it is the silliest that I went to 6 stores to find the pink soothers so that people would stop saying "what a cute little baby boy". It still happens