Baby girl, this day was the most physically demanding and emotionally rewarding I have seen to date. You came as perfectly as we could have planned and I have never felt such a feeling of gratitude and positivity before in any situation. Let me tell you how it went.
5:30 am I woke up to what felt and seemed like I had wet the bed - Odd? Not really. I knew exactly what that was. I woke up Eric and told him, he got my mom and told her and when we were all confident that my water had broken, we called the midwives. Patty answered and gave me guidelines on what to eat and what not to eat and when to call them back again.
I laid in bed for a while longer just paying attention to everything I was feeling. I felt a little nervous that it was all happening right now. Your dad and I had planned to go on a date on Friday night - the last we hoped before you came - but he ended up having to stay late at work wanting to get his job done in case you came this weekend. I felt a little disappointed we didn't get to do that. The most overwhelming feeling though was gratitude. I felt so much peace knowing that Heavenly Father was looking out for me and your father. I felt calm knowing that He was close by and knew our wishes, because we'd made them known to Him. I have been excited for several weeks now to go in to labour and to experience the whole birth process and I was just so happy it was here today. I could not wait to get to the end and meet you.
Having my water break without even a contraction in sight did make me a little nervous because I did not want my labour to stall or your little feet to fall down and have the doctors call it quits, but it was early still so I tried really hard not to worry - to relax and let my body do the work. I got up out of bed after a little while and got in the shower - I wanted to make sure I could look pretty for the pictures I'd asked Granny (my mom) to take all day long. In the shower, around 6:00 am I had my first contraction. It was not pleasant, but not strong either. I yelled for my mom and she wrote it down. We kept track of them all morning in a little note book. My midwives and the teacher of our prenatal class really encouraged us to go about early labour as we would normal life. The process can last a long time and so we are encouraged to try to ignore as much of the beginning as we can, to not wear out too early. I got out of the shower, did my hair and makeup, got dressed and took some final belly pictures. Contractions were getting stronger, but not much closer together at this point. Around 7:00 am I called the midwife back and asked her if I could eat a little something for breakfast, because I was already so hungry. She told me to eat easily digestible foods and drink a lot of clear fluids. I did that, and at 7:40 am I had a longer contraction (about 45 seconds) and then threw it all back up again. That was not pleasant, and did not make me very happy. From about 8:00 am to about 10:30 am contractions were coming about every 10 minutes and they were lasting about 45 seconds to a minute. At some point I became so overwhelmed and just started to cry. I said to your Dad, "I don't think I can do this - it's too hard". Your dad went and got a little dress that I bought for you. He gave it to me and said "look at what you're doing right now. Think about what you're doing. Our daughter is coming today". Anytime I felt like things were getting to hard, or that I couldn't do it, he showed me this little dress. Your Grandma also did an energy balance for me, and as I read the words she wrote I started to cry - I was so excited and so ready and so focused on meeting you that I knew whatever was to come I could do it. I was excited to do it!
At 10:30 am Julie phoned (she's our favourite shh - we know her the best) and said that she and Tiffany (a student midwife) were coming and would be there in about 25 minutes. We explained to her how the morning was going, and she said I was only allowed to stay in bed and rest until she got there and then it would be time to get up and work hard.
She got there around 11:00 am or so, and so did Grandma (your dad's mom). She came in and asked what we needed, and then made a run to the store for a bunch of different juices, some popsicles and ginger ale. At that point I lost all track of time, and have really only what people tell me to go off, as well as my memories of the big digital clock I kept my eye on in the delivery room. The midwives had be up and moving around, and contractions because stronger and closer together. It didn't take long at all for us to move to 5 minutes apart lasting for 45 seconds to a minute. At 11:55 am the midwife checked me and I was completely effaced and 4 cms dilated with your bum presenting and no feet. They kept listening to your heart and monitoring me for what I really didn't think was very long at all, but was apparently about an hour or so. Around 1:15 pm we all got in our cars and made our way to the hospital. The drive was not quite as bad as I thought it would be, but it was one of the most miserable parts of the day. I was breathing so heavy through contractions that Granny had to get me to focus and zone in on her to slow down - she was afraid I might hyperventilate. We hit a little bit of slow traffic on Deer Foot and I thought I was going to die, but Daddy reassured me it was only lasting for a minute and then it picked up again. We met the midwives there and headed up to the labour and delivery unit. It was a very exciting time - the man in the elevator wished us good luck and congrats on our new addition to the family.
Once in the labouring suite I really lost all track of time, and I honestly can't believe I was in there as long as I was. It felt like only a couple of hours to me.
Around 2:00 pm or so the OB on shift came in and explained to me that she was going to contact her counterpart to come in and be with her, as she was not comfortable with the delivery of a breech baby yet. She said he could be there about 5:30 pm and all I could say was "I can't do this for two and a half more hours!". In the back of my mind I knew it would take at least that long anyway, but it was hard for me to actually try to grasp the concept of going through those contractions for that much longer.
All I wanted to do for most of the day was rest. My midwives were very good though and pretty much refused to let me do that. From that time on, things really are a bit of a blur to me. It's funny how fast the time goes. Once I felt settled in that room and all hooked up to monitors and things I just went in to a zone that was just you and me and occasional visits from Daddy. I really don't remember much else. As I was given directions I tried to follow - reluctantly at times. Dad got his bathing suit on and came in the shower with me for quite some time, and then when we got out I remember everyone being dressed in scrubs. We were going to have to deliver you in the operating room because of the risk of needing to do a C Section. Everyone but grandma was in scrubs - they could only let in so many people. When I saw everyone dressed for the OR I remember a feeling of this is almost over coming over me, and I felt very calm, very focused and very ready to do what needed to be done. The first OB came in and told us that I was 10 cm dilated and that a foot had fallen just a little bit. It wasn't enough for her to worry about and she suggested we take things as is for a while longer.
Things started to progress so quickly after that that the nurse suggested I start to use the laughing gas to slow things down a little bit. (Laughing gas was the one measure I had decided I would be okay with. It has no transfer to you, and it goes in an out of my system as I breathe.) We still needed to wait for the OB to arrive and they wanted to keep me from getting to the urge to push. As the contractions came stronger and harder and closer together, I needed more and more help from my support team. I had your dad at my head holding my hand and letting me squeeze, I had Grandma putting pressure and occasional heat on my lower back and hips, and I had Granny pushing up on my bottom while I was laying on my side. This pressure helped me to resist the urge to push that quite honestly just felt like I was going to have a bowel movement all over the bed - lovely the things we go through! While I was on the gas I tried really hard to stay focused. I tried to use the time on the gas to ignore everyone else and to focus in on my body and what it was doing with your body - working with you to get you safely here. At some point I was checked a second time and the foot was gone and I was only 8 cms dilated. We continued for a little while longer. When the second OB finally arrived and checked me, he said that I was 10 cm but still not ready to push. We had been told ahead of time that we were only allowed to push for 90 minutes before they would call it quits and would do a section. The doctor wanted you as low in my hips and we could get you before I started to push. Time to get up and move around again.
I started by getting up on my hands and knees - suggested by Granny. I was told to come off the gas between contractions and only use it to get through them as they came. It was hard to be off of it because I suddenly had all the noise and chaos of the room around me and I found it harder to stay focused, but as I was up on my knees and using the gas for the contractions I was able to focus back in. My body started to rock back and forth, and I just went with it. I remember thinking "if this is what's comfortable, this is what my body needs to do for you". It worked really well, and we were on our way and ready in no time. The last thing they wanted me to do was empty my bladder and get to the point where there was just no physical way I could not push. As they sat me on the toilet I was honestly really afraid and too tense to do much of anything and it took me a few minutes to get all the feelings sorted out. I finally was able to go pee and told the nurse that I also felt a lot like I needed a bowel movement. When I said that everyone got excited. My midwives kept saying "we're sick people - the things we get excited about". I finally got that feeling - the feeling that I could not stop you from coming. I let out this hideously awful groan and suddenly everyone was hustling and bustling around me. Thing started to move really quickly after that. They got me up and set up on the bed - and took my gas away from me. The OBs came and and took their places. They told me that things were going so well and progressing so smoothly that we were going to stay in that room, and didn't need to take me to the OR. This was really exciting because it meant that Grandma got to stay and Granny got to watch. The nurses got set up, a cart of tools was wheeled in, the baby team got set up and suddenly there were what felt like a dozen people in the room and we were ready to go. Tiffany, the midwife student, was at my head and taught me how to push. She told me to breathe in deep, hold the breath and push as long as I could before releasing the breath. With the release of breath I breathed in again and tried it again. Over and over we practiced this and then it was time to do it for real. I made some noise at this point, and was really glad that I was able to let myself do that. They encouraged me to refocus my energy and not spend it on making noise, but on really perfect and concentrated pushes. The only people I was able to pay any attention to were your dad and Tiffany. He encouraged me, and she directed me. It was perfect. The three of us made a great team and we got you moving really quickly. I started pushing around 6:30 pm.
Your father was a steady hand the whole day. He was an amazing support and I couldn't have asked for anyone better to be with me. He quietly attended to my every need and made sure that my wishes were conveyed to anyone they needed to be. When you started to come though - I have never seen him that excited before; nothing compares to how he reacted in that moment. This part went the fastest of the whole thing. I was surprised by how little it hurt to be honest - it was just the most intense pressure I could possibly imagine or will ever feel my body. My contractions stopped hurting and started to just work really really hard. With every contraction you came closer and closer and your dad got more and more excited. Your bum came first (you silly little thing), then a leg fell out and then the next. Your body slid out and your dad just kept saying "she's right there! She's right there!". At 7:12 pm, when your head came and everything was over, I'm pretty sure he was crying (or at least tearing up) and he cut the umbilical cord.
All I could say is "it's all over!". They took you for just a couple of minutes and then handed you to me and I have never seen anything more beautiful than what I saw in that moment. You were the most perfect little baby I could imagine being handed. Your hair looked dark and curly (which I later realised was just because of all the gunk in it) and your skin was so soft. You were the perfect colour pink and your features were just so lovely. I was instantly in love with you, and more in love than I have ever been with your daddy. We just stayed there and stared at you in disbelief. All that work, the whole nine months and that crazy day - you were finally ours and we instantly loved and knew you.
The rest of the evening was spent measuring and weighing and cleaning and dressing you. Grandpa came to the hospital to visit and the midwives were in and out of our room and another down the hall where they had another baby being born. Tiffany finished up a lot of paperwork and a lot of computer data entry, and Daddy and Grandpa went to the car and installed the car seat (which was still in the box on the way to the hospital).
Your daddy and I sat with you for a few minutes at the very end of the evening trying to decide on your name. We had two that we really loved - one that I like slightly more and one that your dad liked slightly more. We decided not to settle on one that night and left the hospital that night a beautiful family of three.
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